Sometimes, the stuff that slips under the radar does so for a reason.  Basically, there are only two things that slip under a radar–really sweet and superadvanced aircraft, and bombs.

Today I’ll be talking about one of the bombs.

It’s called Nightmare Boulevard, and despite really intimidating box art, all it reminds me of is this old non sequitur on Family Guy.  You know those, right?  They’re famous for them.  Anyway, this particular one involves the Griffins watching TV when a Lifetime movie comes on about a woman who both gets cancer and raped by her doctor in the space of just a few minutes.  The name of the movie in question was “Men Are Scum And Will Hurt You Because This Is Lifetime”.  This of course is a reference to Lifetime’s proclivity to make men either bad guys or null ciphers at any given opportunity.  Men are not good things in Lifetime land, neither are they good things on Nightmare Boulevard.

See, what Nightmare Boulevard is about is a woman who feels neglected at home–her husband is a busy surgeon, her daughter just went off to college on a full scholarship, and since she has neither job nor hobbies that anyone can notice (aside from drinking with her buddies at the tennis club and fawning over a little rat-dog named Taffy), she goes out and has an affair.  Of course, the guy she has an affair WITH was a charming stranger who turns out to be schizophrenic, or possibly MPD, but managed to hide it JUST LONG ENOUGH to get The Victim in the sack.

And I know she has a real name; I just think The Victim is so much more appropriate.  Because as the movie will make it clear throughout, she is, indeed, The Victim.  Nothing that happens to her is her fault.  She slept around because her husband was too busy making a living–um…I mean, SELLING OUT HIS WIFE FOR HIS CAREER–to pay any attention to her and she was lonely as a result.  The guy she slept with was insane and she didn’t know about because she talked to him for all of twenty minutes before hopping in bed with him–umm…I mean, THAT WICKED WICKED MAN HID HIS DISEASE FROM HER–and that’s why she’s getting chased by a lunatic.

All throughout the movie, men will have massive and horrifying mental and emotional disorders–sociopaths, schizophrenics, career-driven madmen who don’t care about their wives being stalked and killed.  The daughter’s boyfriend is a date rapist in the making who didn’t come to his girlfriend’s graduation open house because her loving mother’s concerned remarks about communicable diseases (no, really, she used the term “communicable diseases”) were a bit too “creepy” for him.  Even the cops whom we’re counting on to save the day are abrasive, sloppy, inept sugar addicts.

I’m horrified.  Seldom have I seen such blatant PC thuggery in a movie.  The only one in this wreck of a movie I actually felt BAD for was the poor little rat-dog Taffy.  Taffy was shipped to The Victim’s house in a box.  What was left of her, that is.

The only real upshot to this movie is the surprise twist ending, which really came out of left field, but even then it still can’t make up for the skein of abuses thrown at the audience.  Really, this is not the type of movie to see unless you enjoy white males being portrayed as the greatest evil known to humanity, because you will never see so many callow, venal, and just plain sociopathic men on screen in one place ever again.