Considering that they already had this discussion over at Penny Arcade, but never really resolved it, it makes some sense to revive it.  How exactly DO you witch, so that you can be the Witcher?  A “Witcher”, after all, is “one who witches”.

But anyway–this one is a four minute silent film.  And considering that the first thirty seconds will be eaten up with credits, they’re already working under a pretty big handicap.

You’re going to have to bear with me in terms of plot here, because I couldn’t actually see large portions of the movie.  See, apparently they thought it’d be a great idea to shoot a movie in the woods and do it on black and white film, thus ensuring that most of the footage would be a giant black blot.

But anyway, what I got was a guy’s out taking photographs until he finds a box in the middle of nowhere that’s wrapped up, but clearly labelled “do not open”.  Of course, he opens, and finds himself chased by something with an enormous hooked nose.

And it touches him.

That’s it.

No, seriously–that’s how they end.  With the hooknose guy touching the photographer.

I’m completely lost at this point.  What were they trying to do?  Who were they trying to impress?  Why did they make it?  How did they do it?

That’s anybody’s guess. And you know when I can work a quote from Weird Al’s Biggest Ball of Twine In Minnesota into a review, it’s going to be a bloodbath.  The Screenhead Ten Scale nods its assent and declares this literally unwatchable inky smear with occasional plot points a one out of ten.