Okay, seeing as how Godzilla came out on Blu-ray recently, I figured I’d take this opportunity to do a review of it, so that any poor schmucks who haven’t seen it yet that might actually try it can be warned in advance.

Featuring Matthew Broderick and The Professional’s Jean Reno, Godzilla takes the legendary Japanese movie monster and makes him a pregnant woman dinosaur.  Yeah…I know…sort of disappointing, huh?  Now, Broderick and company are going to have to figure out where–and if–Godzilla stashed her eggs and try and get everybody either blown up or out of town in rapid fashion.  And the town in question?  New York City.

Of course, at this point, anyone who’s expecting a true Godzilla movie, featuring Godzilla smacking hell out of the Japanese military and then following it up with a battle royale against some other BRM (Big Rubbery Monster, for those of you what don’t habla) and then, inexplicably, leaving Tokyo, will be gravely disappointed here.

However, what we do get is the occasionally funny counter to this, even though this is precious little short of full-on blasphemy for any actual Godzilla fans.  Yes, Godzilla will do a LOT of damage in New York.  But it’s just not the same.

It’s  like eating nothing but Chicago style pizza from the greatest places in town and then going to Sbarro.  It’s all right, I guess, but it’ll never, NEVER!, match up to the original.

Thus, the Screenhead Ten Scale sadly hands this unimpressive knockoff a five out of ten–it’s not really a bad movie, it’s just not Godzilla.  And we all came here for Godzilla.