Oh, my heart is heavy, fellow movie buffs.  The fact that there even is a Monopoly movie to talk to you about today makes me vaguely resentful of the whole entertainment industry.    But the plot has recently come to light, and one thing’s for sure…the whole thing is about as outlandish as possible.

So without further carping on my part, here it is–the plotline of Monopoly, the movie:

There’s a guy in Manhattan, he’s a real estate agent.  He hates his job, but he just can’t get enough Monopoly.  Which is a little bit ironic but kind of stupid because Monopoly has about as much to do with real estate as Life has to do with, well, life.

Our real estate guy then decides he’s going to go for the world’s longest Monopoly jag, and he brings his buddies along to challenge the record.  From there, they get in a fight about a girl Captain Monopoly likes and the hero storms off.  The next morning, he wakes up in Monopoly City with a stack of multicolored money and a Chance card in his hand.

And for some reason, now that he’s in Monopoly City, he’s got to defeat the evil Parker Brothers and get back home.

No, seriously.  That’s the plot.  I’m horrified.  And scandalized, frankly–this is just ludicrous in the extreme, and worse yet, apparently Ridley Scott is STILL attached to direct.  This might well be a train wreck on par with absolutely ANYTHING we’ve ever seen before.