There were quite a few problems with It’s Alive–in fact, if I remember right, this was originally slated for a theatrical release before getting busted down to direct to video, and I can see why.  It is an utter failure of a film.

Basically, It’s Alive is loosely based on the original released back in 1974, which was actually sufficiently tame by even those standards to rate a PG.  This one, meanwhile, is a blood-soaked mess of a film featuring Bijou Phillips, a blood-soaked mess of an actress whose primary reason for being in this movie is either because she was desperate or she even manages to look trim while “pregnant”.

Anyway, she has the kid and returns home to her boyfriend’s house (of course they’re not married.  They just had a kid–it’s not like they’re actually committed to each other or anything.  Sheesh!) and sets about the business of raising baby Daniel despite the fact that:

1. The baby is showing unusual growth signs, abnormally high intelligence and a terribly lumpy head, and

2. On the night baby Daniel was born, in the same operating room he was born in, EVERY DOCTOR AND NURSE IN THE ROOM WAS MESSILY KILLED.

Isn’t that adorable?  Not even a day old and he’s already a mass murderer.  Innit hee kyoooot?

If this movie was trying to be scary it failed, graphically.  I found myself laughing at so much of it because I came to the unpleasant realization that, holy hell, this is all being done by a BABY.

How anyone could not watch a bewildered Bijou Philips go looking for her killer son and not call out at the screen “Baby?  Did you commit more murder?” is utterly beyond me.

And the explanation as to why baby Daniel is a homicidal bloodthirsty killing machine couldn’t be much more ludicrous if it tried.  In fact, the only thing MORE ludicrous than the explanation is the last fifteen minutes.  Seriously, this is just nuts.  I’d tell you, but it’d ruin the fun.

In fact, looking back on the It’s Alive remake, I find that the only value it has–besides as a cautionary tale of how NOT to bungle a film–is in its unintentional comedy.

Thus, the Screenhead Ten Scale gives this shoddy laugh riot a three out of ten for being hilariously bad.