Legion Movie Review–Cretinous Half Baked Drivel
I was truly amazed when I left Legion, which opened today, and saw two names get credited under the writer’s column. I was amazed because I didn’t think it would take much more than half a dozen drunken monkeys at typewriters to pound out this potboiler, let alone two actual human beings.
Legion brings us a God who is heartily disappointed with His people–and if you don’t think we’ve given Him reason just watch E! for like an hour and you’ll see it too. Thus, God figures the best way to tackle the problem is to send a whole bunch of homicidal angels down to earth to put a serious hurting on humanity. The problem with this, of course, is that one of the angels decides that this isn’t such a hot idea and goes down to earth in advance of the legion of other angels.
He does this so he can save a pregnant waitress’ baby, who will apparently, for reasons no one saw fit to explain AT ALL, grow up to save the world.
Those of you who caught at least THREE subreferences to the Terminator series, congratulations, you do NOT have a mental illness, because I saw them too.
Legion watches like a movie that was edited by a twelve year old with a wicked case of ADD. Large portions of the movie that might have explained things, like what the angel tattoos mean, or who the “prophets” are, or why the waitress’ baby is so damn important anyway, or why angels can be killed with 9mm ammunition were thrown out in favor of sequences that involved shooting or fighting or people exploding into clouds of acid.
From a narrative standpoint this movie is an utter joke and anything resembling a plot here simply exists to connect the various freaky moments and scenes of gunfire. That having been said there is a LOT of gunfire in this movie, and plenty of freaky moments. They love using the elderly and small children as monsters, and they do so to pretty good effect, but that doesn’t really distract from the fact that nothing of any real importance is going on here, just a whole lot of shooting and bleeding and occasional explosions.
For those of you who were inspired by last week’s The Book of Eli, you’ll lose that completely with this shoddy angel film that really doesn’t behave in any way like things are supposed to operate. Special note to filmmakers: putting a Bible quote before you start your movie really only works when the quote is RELEVANT. Or failing that, applicable.
This was not.
I left Legion still amazed that two people working together could create this kind of cretinous half-baked drivel. Though I did have at least a little fun with all the gunfire and explosions, the fact remains that this is a pretty godawful (pardon the pun) movie.
The Screenhead Ten Scale shares my amazement and hands down a three out of ten to this warmed-over slop that reduces God to Skynet and manages to bungle any of a dozen great possibilities it might have had.
First of all, if you’re going to put your opinion, or anything coming from you at all, you should at least have the guts to put your name to it. The writers, producers, and everyone else who made that movie at least had the courage to put their names behind what they made but you don’t even have the same. You think it’s best to slash through whatever you want without even the slightest dignity, tact or even the courage to say who you are. However, when someone wants to comment you’r work, they are expected to put their names forward.
Second, you should at least have the minimum respect for those who made a movie. Unless you are some great writer, producer, director, ect, you have NO right to be belittling people for their work. You have no idea the amount of effort any one person put into that movie so you should at least be older than twelve years old yourself and stop name-calling. If you didn’t like the movie that’s your opinion and you can say that but you don’t have any right to be attacking the people who made it. Your comment, “I didn’t think it would take much more than half a dozen drunken monkeys at typewriters to pound out this potboiler,” was just plain rude.
Third, I just came back from watching the movie Legion and I liked it. If you would have been paying half attention to the movie you would have known that NONE of the angels in the movie were “killed with 9mm ammunition,” as you stated. There were only 2 real angels even in the movie and the only on that died was Michael and Gabriel killed him. The many other enemies the characters ran into in the movie were, as stated by Michael in the movie, “Possessed by angels” and not actually angels themselves. Unless all you bothered to watch was the trailer, you would know that because it was mentioned multiple times. Don’t believe me? Watch it again and this time ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION. As for the tattoos Michael had, it was revealed at the end that those were the instructions Michael spoke of before fighting Gabriel in the diner. Maybe the issue isn’t so much of the movie not explaining things as this audience member not paying half attention. On that note, if you think “nothing of any real importance is going on here” you really didn’t pay a single bit of attention. The entire movie flowed and made sense. Much like any action/horror movie, there is alot of shooting and violence FOR A REASON. Yet again I’ll state, anyone who passed the fifth grade and actually paid attention to this movie would know the reasons and explaining them all to someone who obviously did neither would be futile.
In conclusion, movies aren’t for everyone. Some people just can’t handle movies like this or just aren’t into them at all. Other’s love these kinds of movies. That’s perfectly fine because everyone is entitled to their own opinions. If you’re a The Book of Eli kind of person, that is just fine with me. If you’re a Pineapple Express kind of person, that’s fine with me too. Obviously for whatever reason, this movie just evaded you. I’d suggest a movie with a simpler plot, how about you go watch Alvin and the Chipmunks or the Princess and the frog, that might be a little easier for you to comprehend. And for anyone who can understand movies more complex than those, you’ll probably enjoy Legion as much as I did.
Hi thx for this long and rather exhausting commetn Steve is a professional critic and sometimes critics don’t always like a movie and under the fereedom of speech act are alound to express their own opionion.
ty Paul Briggs
I never said he didn’t have the right. Actually, I stated in my commet he did have the right. That really wasn’t the point. He can rant and rave about whatever he wants and I can tell him how much of an idiot i think he is.
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Actually, Kaycee, with all due respect, you’re the one coming off looking like an idiot with that rant.
1. Steve Anderson’s name is attached to the review. Maybe if YOU actually paid attention, you would have read that.
2. He has every right to belittle the writers of this movie. They did a piss-poor job, and if we pay $10 to be entertained and aren’t entertained, we have a right to voice our dissatisfaction.
3. The whole “possessed by angels” premise was ridiculously stupid as well. Why did they have to drive to the diner? Why didn’t the angels just possess the people already in the diner? It’s just stupid writing.
4. The tattoos are instructions to what? No, Kaycee, the tattoos weren’t explained. Michael says to learn to read the instructions. Nobody ever learned to read any instructions. Not once did these instructions ever come into play in the movie. They were just referenced as instructions and then ignored for the remainder of the movie.
5. Along those same lines, Michael said to seek out the prophets. What prophets? Also something that was ignored for the remainder of the movie.
Seriously, Kaycee, how you can even defend the plot to something as poorly written as this astounds me. It DOES feel like it was edited by a twelve year old with ADD. Sorry, but you’ll be hard pressed to find many who disagree with that.
I disagree with that
lololol trolled