The folks out at Warner Brothers sent me a copy of the Complete Third Season of Everwood, and I admit that I was a bit concerned about the whole thing.  I had never been much for the “family drama”, being convinced that Seventh Heaven was a punishment on an unworthy planet and that Gilmore Girls was some kind of biological weapon designed to get us all to commit suicide just to make the hurting stop.  And so, tucking into Everwood left me more than a little unnerved–would this be regular drama?  Or would this be a really concentrated drama?

The third season of Everwood rejoins the cast, who are in the midst of a whole lot of issues that I really can’t tell you about without spoilering earlier seasons (I would’ve started at season one, but that’s been out for some time now).  And now, we’ve got a whole host of nasty problems to deal with here–pregnancies and high school relationships and chlamydia and all that kind of nonsense, including lots of guys who are actively sleeping around.

What’s really disturbing about Everwood is how deeply enmeshed an episode can get in intense amounts of drama and then, somehow, manage to wrap up every loose end, almost inexplicably, before the end.  Everwood needs to have a big stamp on the front of the box that reads “Warning: Deus Ex Machina Occurs At Least Twice An Episode”.  Seriously, it does–one of the biggest problems of season two, for example, disappeared when Dr. Andy Brown bribed it to go away with his doctorin’ money.  It was a wonder that Hermes didn’t descend from on high, declare all right with the world and then demand that the credits roll.

For people who love drama, then Everwood will do very nicely.  But for those who don’t enjoy the drama, Everwood will be a constant and unending source of misery and torment for everyone who watches.

It’s not the greatest thing here–most of the women are portrayed as long-suffering nigh-martyrs at the hands of their male counterparts, whilst the males are often histrionic morons busily engaging in some kind of immoral and / or self-destructive behavior.  But again, this is fuel for superdrama–nay, hyperdrama–of the highest caliber.   Then there are the occasional stabs at comedy–one episode revolves around the sudden finding of a certain…intimate appliance…under a bed.  Yeah, I know. Someone was clearly desperate.

The Screenhead Ten Scale, meanwhile, hands Everwood: The Complete Third Season a five out of ten for being incredible at one thing only, and leaving the rest of us to suffer through an impenetrable sludge pit of purest hyperdrama.