The folks out at Lions Gate sent me a copy of Ninja’s Creed to review, and I found a lot of unexpected laughs in it.

So the king of Samarza–a little country you never knew existed (because as far as I can tell it does not)–has a problem on his hands.  He’s just been killed by a neighboring country, and that could mean curtains for his entire kingdom.  But there’s one last bit of hope–a soldier has been sent to find the king’s last child, who has, conveniently enough, been sent to live in America to keep herself from getting killed in the constant plots against the king.  The soldier, however, is going to find an assassin waiting for him, and the problem is, she’s good.  And when the soldier and the assassin tangle, the end result will shake them both to their core. Only one will survive the seemingly endless battles…but which?

It didn’t take me long to wonder about Ninja’s Creed–the dialogue was shaky at best, especially when they busted out lines like “Our situation becomes desperate with every hour”–seriously?  “Becomes desperate with every hour”?  If it’s desperate with every hour, what was the hour before?  Not desperate?  And if it was already desperate in the previous hour it can’t very well become desperate in the next hour!

And then I got a look at the cast list, and suddenly, everything was made clear–Ninja‘s Creed, you see, put in its top billing a lady by the name of Gail Kim.  She goes by another name, occupationally…”WWE Diva Gail Kim”.

Yes, that’s right, folks–it’s another one of those movies where a wrestler is trying to act.  And admittedly, they don’t put a whole lot on her, which is a definite plus because she can work where she excels, in stunts and occasional banter (which is most of what a wrestler would do anyway).  The rest of the cast, meanwhile, is left to carry on the script, and the script is in such graphic disarray that large portions of it (and I’ve got the subtitles on here, so it makes it about as clear as possible) seem poorly acted by comparison.  It’s hard to tell whether the cast is a joke, or if the script is so poor that the cast merely sounds incompetent because they’re delivering lines from a script that sounds like it got mangled in Google Translator.

In further fun, you’ll see from the box art that our super ninja assassin hot chick has no problem using a gun, except for one–she’s a lousy shot.  Fox Mulder has nothing on this chick.

There are entirely too many unintentional laughs here.  Bad movie buffs will rip this thing apart, probably while drunk, due to the massive amount of poorly constructed dialogue and ludicrous plot elements. Credit where credit is due, though–there’s a fantastic twist ending here that’s really terribly well done.  But it’s a dose of too little, too late.

The Screenhead Ten Scale hands this unexpected comic riot a shoddily-translated four out of ten making, because writing is in the bad shape and making cast look soft bad by comparingness.