You’ve probably heard tires squeal before. You’ve maybe even seen YouTube footage of someone engaged in a burnout before, in which a car’s tires move faster than their ability to gain traction, thus causing a streak of rubber to be left behind on the road surfact. That’s exactly–to the inch–what watching Fast Five is like. It’s loud, it’s entertaining to those who watch it, and at its core, it’s phenomenally stupid.

Fast Five rejoins us with Dominick Toretto and his erstwhile family, sister Mia, in events taking place just after the fourth installment but before the third. If you’re confused, don’t worry–you absolutely don’t need to know any of this before you watch the movie. Dom’s just been sent up for twenty five to life for his various crimes, and is on his way, by bus, to prison. His family busts him out in rapid and spectacular fashion, and now they’re all off to sunny Rio de Janiero to find their fortune. They find it in the form of Herman Reyes, corrupt businessman who’s got a whole lot of cash stashed all over Rio. Now, Dom and his crew are hatching a complex plot to seize the money, but all the while, they’ve got Luke Hobbs and his agents hunting them, seeing as how they’re all wanted fugitives.

If you picture Ocean’s Eleven, but take out all the jokes and replace them with cars going really really fast, then you have a pretty good idea of what you’re in for with Fast Five. It watches like it was written by a not particularly bright fourteen year old who knew exactly what he wanted to see in a movie–cars going fast, guns going off, and attractive women going around half-naked–and set out to get every ohm and erg of it. Plot is really rather minimal, except for a decent plot twist at the end.

Fast Five is no one’s idea of a good movie, but it will be entertaining enough by virtue of its sheer bombast. There’s entirely too much going on here to not be entertaining. But it’s shoddily constructed, and downright idiotic. Easily twenty to forty minutes could have been trimmed off this and no one would have noticed. It’s garbage, but it’s loud and shiny garbage that will definitely keep people’s attention.

It’s like tires squealing in the night–anyone who watches will be entertained, but it’s such a waste of rubber that one wonders why they even bothered.

But if you came here looking for cars going fast and blowing up with alarming regularity while attractive women wander around in various states of undress, never really saying all that much but no less important for their lack of dialogue, and don’t mind a weak plotline and dialogue that’s more wooden than a scrap shack in Rio, well, you’ve got your movie right here.

Still though, the Screenhead Ten Scale hands Fast Five a not quite eponymous six out of ten. It’s entertaining enough, sure, and it knows it. There’s not much going on here plot-wise, but then, that’s not exactly what they were going for.

Now that the Governator has been relinguished of his duties, it’s time for Arnold Schwarzenegger to get back to what he’s good at: trying badly to act. Does he even change his facial expression throughout the entirety of Commando? While no one cared in 1985, Arnie seems a little obsolete these days. Which is why he is making two huge missteps.

The first is that Arnie is set to return as the iconic Terminator. He appeared in the first three movies, his likeness turned up in Terminator: Salvation, and now according to 24 Frames his agents are shopping around a package for a fifth film that would include the king of meatheads. Extending a franchise beyond its welcome is nothing new in Hollywood, but what’s even more depressing is that it’s not being handed to some new talent to revitalise the spent story. No, instead Justin Lin is attached as director. Yes, the man between the moronic The Fast and the Furious sequels 3-5, the fifth (written by a 5-year old, it seems) due out this week. It will without doubt make a lot of money, and sadly that qualifies a hack director to take on what was once a great duo of films. Let’s just say there’s not much hope for the Terminated and the Untardy.

His other project is to appear as a comic-book superhero known as the Governator, developed as a comic and animated series by Marvel maestro Stan Lee. When the subject of a jokes gets in on it, you know it’s not going to be funny. Nor is it clever to develop a nickname into an entire series. Maybe Arnie does belong in politics after all.

Production has commenced in Albuquerque, New Mexico on Marvel Studios’ highly anticipated movie Marvel’s The Avengers, directed by Joss Whedon from a screenplay by Whedon. The film will continue principal photography in Cleveland, Ohio and New York City. Robert Downey Jr. returns as the iconic Tony Stark/Iron Man along with Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Chris Evans as Captain America, Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye, Mark Ruffalo as Hulk, Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow, Clark Gregg as Agent Phil Coulson, and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. Set for release in the US on May 4, 2012, Marvel’s The Avengers is the first feature to be fully owned, marketed and distributed by Disney, which acquired Marvel in 2009.

Continuing the epic big-screen adventures started in Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor, and Captain America: The First Avenger, Marvel’s The Avengers is the Super Hero team up of a lifetime. When an unexpected enemy emerges that threatens global safety and security, Nick Fury, Director of the international peacekeeping agency known as SHIELD, finds himself in need of a team to pull the world back from the brink of disaster.

Based on the ever-popular Marvel comic book series, first published in 1963, Marvel’s The Avengers brings together the mightiest Super Hero characters as they all assemble together on screen for the first time. The star studded cast of Super Heroes will be joined by Cobie Smulders as Agent Maria Hill of SHIELD, as well as Tom Hiddleston and Stellan Skarsgård who will both reprise their respective roles as Loki and Professor Erik Selvig from the upcoming Marvel Studios’ feature Thor.

On behalf of Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, Screenhead is pleased to present an official giveaway of Sniper: Reloaded, which is available on DVD and Blu-ray.

Marine Sgt. Brandon Beckett, son of renowned sniper Thomas Beckett, must turn to his former protégé (Billy Zane) to track down and kill a mysterious sniper before he kills his next target.

While working with the UN Forces in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Marine Sgt. Brandon Beckett (Chad Michael Collins), son of renowned sniper Thomas Beckett, receives orders to rescue a European farmer trapped in the middle of hostile rebel territory.

When he and his men arrive at the farm, a mysterious sniper ambushes them, wounding Beckett and killing everyone else. With the help of his father’s former protégé, sniper instructor Richard Miller (Zane), Beckett must learn to think like a sniper to track down the assassin before the sniper returns to finish the job.

To enter the giveaway for (1) Sniper: Reloaded DVD, post your name and we will pick the winner May 13, 2011.

Last night we hit you up with the first round of The Avengers on DVD from the folks out at Disney, who sent over a copy. Now we’re following that up with the second volume, which again Disney sent over, and it probably won’t surprise anyone to discover that this volume is as big and impressive as the first one was.

The Avengers Volume 2 picks up where the previous volume left off, and in the interests of not spoilering, I’ll tell you that things got pretty nasty  at the end of the previous volume, and now, the Avengers (who have now teamed up) have their work cut out for them. In fact, they’re hunting down a whole load of supervillains. Not only that, they’re also getting a whole lot of troubles from their past to boot.

You’ll still get plenty of action here, though comic book purists again may be dissatisfied with the whole “schizophrenic Hulk” thing, as well as the sheer amount of angst that big green boy can generate. But for those upset by the Hulk’s posture in this series, you’ll be happy to know he actually doesn’t get a lot of face time in this particular volume.

Excitement is still clearly the name of the game, as once again you’ll get nearly three hours of episodes in the DVD set, and there will be loads of supervillains getting fought, things blowing up, and plenty of that fine action to go around. The difference, though, between the first and second volumes is that the second volume will be a lot more coherent than the first. The first set things up, and thus did a lot of jumping around in terms of locations. The second volume has things well established, and is actually just a bit better than the first one was.

I’m definitely surprised by the quality on this one. They could have just phoned this one in like nobody’s business, but there’s actually steady improvement over the course of the episodes. It’s definitely got me interested in season two, that’s for sure, and that may well be the highest praise I can give this concept.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives The Avengers Volume 2 a second ten out of ten for being every inch as worth watching as the previous installment. This is some fine stuff here from the folks out at Disney, and if you’re not already watching it and you’re any kind of comic book fan, then you’ll definitely want to catch this fine animated adaptation of Marvel property.

A bit of something exciting for you today, folks–the crew out at Disney (yes, Disney, like with the mouse) sent out a copy of The Avengers Volume One for us to review, and thus, that’s what we’re bringing you today.

The Avengers Volume One gives us a whole lot of backstory, as we get a look at Earth’s mightiest heroes in all their glory. We’ll join Iron Man, Thor, The Hulk, Captain America, Ant Man and The Wasp as they fight, regularly, to keep the world safe from various supervillains. The DVD package, meanwhile, gives you a whopping seven episodes of the assorted adventures of the components of the great Marvel team. This one won’t be so much about the Avengers as it will be about the individuals who make up the Avengers.

I didn’t follow this on the Disney Channel (mostly because it was Disney XD and I wasn’t in a mood to shell out the extra cash to step up for a channel that has maybe three or four things worth watching, tops), so getting the chance to catch it all at once without commercial interruption on DVD was an opportunity I could scarcely pass up. And am I glad I got the chance.

This really is some great stuff. It’s well drawn, well put together, the plots aren’t a complete joke and that means you’ve got an overall solid package here. Some purists will likely take issue with Nick Fury’s character (we’re clearly going with the Sam Jack version as opposed to the original), but there are plenty of happy surprises to make up for the lack of purity. For instance, pay close attention to the Grim Reaper’s voice. Yes, that’s none other than Lance Henriksen, one of my top five all time favorite actors. And you’ll see why he’s one of my favorites right here. See, it doesn’t matter what he’s in, it’s still good stuff. He’s been in some great movies and some godawful slop, but it doesn’t matter. He will always–ALWAYS!–turn in a good performance. And he’s not making this one an exception. Oh, and better yet, one of my other top five favorites, Jeffrey “Herbert West” Combs, will make an appearance as The Leader, which is even better news.

It’s hard not to recommend this one for any comic book fan who wants to see the fruits of Disney’s purchase of Marvel, and anyone who likes a little good old fashioned comic book dust-up should be happy here besides.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives The Avengers Volume One a nine out of ten–they did a fine job with this one, and it’s well worth your time to watch. Assuming of course you haven’t already seen it.

For an actor who is known to be abrasive and driven at the same time, it’s about time that he tries to take over an entire film production by being its actor and director. According to Deadline, Russell Crowe is considering taking control of a film entitled 77.

While he hasn’t committed just yet (he’s waiting on the next draft), Crowe is line to take on a script that is an original idea by pulp writer James Ellroy (he wrote the original novels of LA Confidential and The Black Dahlia). David Matthews is working on the redraft. The story follows two police officers, one black and one white, and the connection between an unsolved murder of a police officer and the infamous shoot-out between the LAPD and the militant Patty Heart-kidnapping Symbionese Liberation Army.

Crowe’s superstar status has lagged a bit in recent years (Robin Hood underperformed, and The Next Three Days and State of Play were borderline disasters) so perhaps he feels he needs to resurrect his carrer single-handedly. Apparently, Crowe was interested in directing WWII drama The Long Green Shore but ultimately backed down, and the project is still in development.

Is it a great move to propel your career into the mainstream or is it a safe choice that could typecast you forever? This is the choice Jeremy Renner must make shortly. For according to Deadline, he has formally been offered the lead role in the fourth Jason Bourne film, The Bourne Legacy.

Renner shot into the limelight 2 years ago for his fearless performance as a bomb-defuser in the Oscar-winning The Hurt Locker. Renner was nominated for his performance but lost out to Jeff Bridges. Renner was nominated again this year for his brief supporting role in The Town. And since then his career has exploded. He’s appearing in the odd revisitionist Brothers Grimm tale Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, as superhero Hawkeye in the 2012 star-studded blockbuster The Avengers (and he may even get his own movie as a result), and is also starring alongside Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 4, which is out this Christmas. The latter was the perfect testing ground for the role that is now being laid out before him.

But is the project worth taking? Rather than being a direct sequel (even though the book of the same title is), Matt Damon’s decision to back out as Jason Bourne led the film’s creative team to take a new approach and rework the story as a sort of spinoff. So despite the misleading title Renner will not be playing Jason Bourne, but instead an operative from a different covert spy organisation. Surely audiences will be confused if not annoyed by being misled, and the film risks becoming more of a Bourne wannabe (Taken, Unknown) than a Bourne film. Tony Gilroy (writer of the Bourne films and director of Michael Clayton and Duplicity) will direct.

First off, a happy Good Friday to all our readers who celebrate it out there, and though it made the pickings today somewhat sparse, I managed to take advantage of the day to get an eyeful of Hanna, which will turn out to be pretty impressive, for the most part.

Hanna takes us out to Finland, where sixteen year old title character Hanna has been living with her father. Her father, meanwhile, has an unusual purpose in mind for his little girl. He’s been training her to be an assassin most of her life. Eventually, Hanna finds herself “ready”, and tells her father the same, kicking off a series of events in which Hanna is picked up by CIA agent Marissa Wiegler, who takes her to a safe house in Morocco. Marissa has a mission: to kill Hanna’s father, as he knows a secret that can’t be made public. But Hanna’s got her own mission: to kill Marissa. Who will kill who? Who will survive? And what does Hanna’s father know that makes him of such interest to the CIA?

One thing that’s clear, even just from the trailers, is that this thing has a lot of action going on in it. That’s plenty clear. And you’ll get a whole lot of wild freaky gymnastics out of the film’s lead, who frankly I don’t even recognize.  Indie fans and action fans alike are going to go absolutely bughouse over this one because there’s so much action in it, and from relative unknowns. It took me a stop on the IMDB to finally recognize both Eric Bana and Cate Blanchett

Though sometimes, the action is a little hard to swallow; Saoirse Ronan, the girl playing Hanna, is a little on the preposterous side as she flings herself headlong into action films yet doesn’t quite seem to have mastered how to actually show emotion while she’s doing it. I understand that part of this is related to the plot, but normally, when you’re to the point where you’re kicking a guy in the head, you expect at least a little bit of an angry look. Though it can be said that this is a really masterful move on her part–and frankly, I won’t argue with those who do–I just found it stretching things a bit.

And the worst part is, by the time you get to the end, anyone who cracks a “teenage mutant ninja” joke will actually not be too far off. I hate it when off-color jokes become stark reality.

Still though, Hanna is going to provide a great, and only slightly trippy, action thriller romp that will keep most anyone satisfied. I do, however, find they dropped the ball a bit with the ending by making it not so much end as stop. Normally this is a symptom of survival horror fare in which the world continues on but our look at it is complete, but in an action thriller I do expect a bit more of a defined ending.

These are minor problems to say the least, and easily ninety percent of Hanna is a terrific movie that will bust you in the metaphorical chops, even if it leaves you metaphorically bleeding by the side of the metaphorical road with the ending.

The Screenhead Ten Scale in turn gives Hanna a nine out of ten for being mostly an absolute jewel of action fare, but with a couple of small nicks that keeps it shy of a really great movie.

The folks out at Well Go Entertainment sent us out a little something special to review: an advance copy of their upcoming release Legend of the Fist. And this one’s going to be something to see.

Legend of the Fist follows Chen Zhen, something of a Chinese folk hero in the same fashion (at least, as far as I can tell–my Chinese history isn’t the greatest) as Wong Fei-Hung. It’s just after World War One–though there are some events set somewhere in Europe during the war itself–and Chen Zhen has returned home from war to find a much different China than the one he left. And so, taking on false identities, Chen Zhen sets out to rescue China. And he’ll have a whole lot to rescue China from, too; between the Japanese secret agents and a potential civil war in the offing, Chen Zhen’s got his work cut out for him. But can he do it?

Action buffs, you’re in for a grand old time right here, make no mistake on that score. This thing is going to blow your mind. Within the first ten minutes you’re going to get some truly sweet wire-fu (it’s ludicrously overblown, but frankly, that’s what we’ve come to expect from pretty much any movie in which wire-fu is used), and it’s only the start, as opposed to the end.

You’ll also get some absolutely mindblowing noir-style events going on, too; imagine a serious version of Kung Fu Hustle intermingled with elements of Casablanca, along with a smattering of Black Mask, and you’ve got a fair idea of what’s going on here.

You’ve got romance, action, historical drama….folks, this is some terrific stuff regardless of your particular favorite.

I can’t let this go by without a mention of the last fifteen minutes. Remember how the big draw of the latter two Matrix titles was the Burly Brawl and the Super Burly Brawl, in which Neo took on all comers for a while? Well, Legend of the Fist will put both brawls to shame with a continuous fight sequence in the end that runs about five minutes and features Chen Zhen taking on a horde of Japanese fighters with various levels of escalation and even some weapons, before breaking for a bit of plot wrapup before proceeding into yet another brawl, this time, one on one. It’s really impressive stuff, and if you’re at all fond of Chinese action film (like I am!) you will not want to miss this.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives Legend of the Fist a full ten out of ten for bringing a whole lot to the table, and leaving out pretty much nobody. A date movie any guy would cheerfully see, and most ladies probably wouldn’t be too unhappy with, Legend of the Fist might be the closest thing to “all things for all people” I’ve seen in a long time.