Meh.
You ever felt like that, about something? Not necessarily cheated, but not really happy about it either? The kind of thing you could take or leave, it really doesn’t matter what you think of it? That’s exactly how I felt about Gulliver’s Travels, which I just got out of a showing of.
Gulliver’s Travels follows Lemuel Gulliver, who has just managed to lose his job as head of the mail room at a major New York newspaper to a guy who’d been there one whole day. Resolved to do something about the disaster his life has become, he screws up his courage to the sticking point, goes into the editor of the travel editor he’s been crushing on for years, and…makes up some ridiculous garbage about wanting to be a travel writer. Not having the faintest clue in his probably pot-muddled head of how to write, he turns to a very present help in time of trouble: plagiarism. Having stolen bits of Fodor’s and Time Out New York, and worked them into a job, Gulliver finds himself heading for the Bermuda Triangle, where he ends up landing in the country of Lilliput, a land made up of tiny steampunk engineering geniuses. But when he finds himself in the midst of a war brewing, things are going to get really weird for him, really fast. Can Gulliver protect the Lilliputians from their surprisingly many enemies? Or will he manage to screw everything up to such a degree that the lovely little country will be lost?
You can see from the pic above about where this is going.
You know, I don’t remember the original Gulliver being a forty-something waste of space that doesn’t do much but play Guitar Hero and dance like some kind of lunatic monkey who’s had way too much sugar for one lifetime. And I certainly don’t remember any Lilliputians ending up eyes-deep in Gulliver’s colon, either (It’s a wonder he didn’t run into Dennis Quaid in the submarine on his way up. Did I just make an Inner Space joke? Oh you know I did. That’s how I roll.). I REALLY don’t remember any giant robots.
But then, anyone who came here expecting a faithful, plothole-free adaptation of the original Swift classic was bound to be disappointed anyway the second it was announced they were letting this guy handle the star duties.
And now you see for yourselves.
It’s not that Gulliver’s Travels isn’t a fun and vaguely entertaining sort of thing, it’s just that it’s not very satisfying. Once again, Jack Black is playing the buffoon, pretty much the only thing he knows how to do, and that’s okay, because if he actually tried to play a Serious Dramatic Role (like Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love), it would be so awkward and vaguely creepy that no one would enjoy it. Seriously, can you imagine Captain Wedgie up there putting down his shirt, keeping his ass covered for an entire movie while he explains to the female lead how he’s wanted her all his life, but just couldn’t act on it because Daddy needed his help on the farm? Oh, and Daddy has cancer. Plus his sister was just kidnapped. And left for dead on the side of the road. Where his dog was just found. Also dead.
See what I mean? Cree. Py.
But then, consider the whole thing–this is a better movie for the kids. This is Jack Black dancing like a moron and showing his gut for ninety minutes. This is perfect for the kids who don’t want to sit still long and won’t pay close enough attention to notice the gaping plot holes.
And in the end, the Screenhead Ten Scale hands Jack Black’s latest weak romp a five out of ten for doing a passable if overly familiar job. Familiarity breeds contempt, and right now, I’ve got a lot of contempt for Jack Black.
