I was truly amazed when I left Legion, which opened today, and saw two names get credited under the writer’s column. I was amazed because I didn’t think it would take much more than half a dozen drunken monkeys at typewriters to pound out this potboiler, let alone two actual human beings.
Legion brings us a God who is heartily disappointed with His people–and if you don’t think we’ve given Him reason just watch E! for like an hour and you’ll see it too. Thus, God figures the best way to tackle the problem is to send a whole bunch of homicidal angels down to earth to put a serious hurting on humanity. The problem with this, of course, is that one of the angels decides that this isn’t such a hot idea and goes down to earth in advance of the legion of other angels.
He does this so he can save a pregnant waitress’ baby, who will apparently, for reasons no one saw fit to explain AT ALL, grow up to save the world.
Those of you who caught at least THREE subreferences to the Terminator series, congratulations, you do NOT have a mental illness, because I saw them too.
Legion watches like a movie that was edited by a twelve year old with a wicked case of ADD. Large portions of the movie that might have explained things, like what the angel tattoos mean, or who the “prophets” are, or why the waitress’ baby is so damn important anyway, or why angels can be killed with 9mm ammunition were thrown out in favor of sequences that involved shooting or fighting or people exploding into clouds of acid.
From a narrative standpoint this movie is an utter joke and anything resembling a plot here simply exists to connect the various freaky moments and scenes of gunfire. That having been said there is a LOT of gunfire in this movie, and plenty of freaky moments. They love using the elderly and small children as monsters, and they do so to pretty good effect, but that doesn’t really distract from the fact that nothing of any real importance is going on here, just a whole lot of shooting and bleeding and occasional explosions.
For those of you who were inspired by last week’s The Book of Eli, you’ll lose that completely with this shoddy angel film that really doesn’t behave in any way like things are supposed to operate. Special note to filmmakers: putting a Bible quote before you start your movie really only works when the quote is RELEVANT. Or failing that, applicable.
This was not.
I left Legion still amazed that two people working together could create this kind of cretinous half-baked drivel. Though I did have at least a little fun with all the gunfire and explosions, the fact remains that this is a pretty godawful (pardon the pun) movie.
The Screenhead Ten Scale shares my amazement and hands down a three out of ten to this warmed-over slop that reduces God to Skynet and manages to bungle any of a dozen great possibilities it might have had.