If ever there was a man you wouldn’t want to turn to for advice on surviving the holidays, it’s probably legendary curmudgeon Lewis Black. And yet, that’s just what the History Channel will do, as they’ve shown by sending me a copy of Surviving the Holidays with Lewis Black.

Surviving the Holidays with Lewis Black will send the charming and convivial–wait, I am talking about Lewis Black here, right? Oh yeah, I am–Lewis Black out to talk to a variety of actors, comedians and other figures to tell you how to get along with the holidays. It’s not so easy, between the travel and the anxiety of family and all that sort of thing, to make it through the holidays for a lot of people, and even those who have good relationships with their families still aren’t exactly keen on the thought of spending long amounts of time with the same people in the same relatively confined space. But you’ll also get the stories of the history and origins of the holidays, and I mean the holidays: you’ll get Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Christmas, as well as a bit on New Years Eve and the bizarre hybrid that is Chrismukkah.

It’s amazing, but as holiday primer and comic gleefest, Surviving the Holidays with Lewis Black will both teach you a whole lot and make you laugh profusely. It’s not hard to believe that a History Channel show would be informative. That’s standard operating procedure for History Channel. But that a History Channel show would be hilarious? Oh no, that’s not the kind of thing you expect to see from them. I actually learned a lot from this show, and yet I’m glad I saw it. Watching Lewis Black play Santa Claus at a mall was inspired enough for any two movies. It’s a holiday special that encompasses most every holiday that might show up in the two months that make up the end of the year.

The Screenhead Ten Scale hands this holiday extravaganza with loads of information, comic bliss and humorously-delivered knowledge a full ten out of ten for being hilarious and informative all at the same time. It’s hard to enjoy your education for your own sake, but when it’s delivered in the midst of a whole bunch of great jokes, well, that makes for a downright perfect video. That’s what you’ve got here–the holiday special for all time.

Ah yes, Christmas movies…they’re always delightful. Some of them are better than others, really, and some of them are just patently bizarre. That’s where Coopers’ Christmas (which the folks at Anchor Bay sent a copy of)  is going to fall in, and in all honesty, it may well be one of the more honest versions of a Christmas story…warts and all. Lots of warts and all.

Some downright awkward ones–in fact, Coopers’ Christmas follows the Cooper family, an earnest, stalwart-yeomanry sort of American family back in the depths of 1985. Family patriarch Gord has just done something…stupid. Get used to it–he’ll be doing a lot of that of the course of the movie. He’s just traded away a debt a neighbor owes for a new video camera, that he’s giving the family for a Christmas present. The end result of it is this video, Coopers’ Christmas, that shows us what happens when a family full of drunks and lunatics gets together for the happiest time of year.

When I was first told about this one, I was told that it would be much like a combination of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and The Blair Witch Project. That was enough to get my interest. And thankfully, it had the laughs to back it up. Seriously, I spent so much time laughing at this movie that I couldn’t believe it–it’s been quite a while since I’ve laughed this much at a movie. The toboggan sequence is a work of drunken inspired lunacy that is easily on par with even the squirrel scene in National Lampoon’s. And there’s just enough obscenity fueled mayhem here to make it a fair match for Blair Witch–Gord’s drunken rampage after the family goes to the hospital is almost horror fare enough, if a bit comic.

You wouldn’t think these two things go together, and yet, here they are. When you put two Daily Show alums–Jason Jones and Samantha Bee–together in a Christmas movie with only one real caveat (mayhem is job one), you’re going to get some really expansive disasters. Of course, as should be expected from this kind of thing, you’ll also get just enough maudlin schmaltz to give it what looks like some emotional depth, though this actually almost seems out of place surrounded by such sheer mayhem.

However, even the more emotional points of the movie are jammed full of preposterous moments that add comic glee to this package. Come for the hilarity, stay for the prepackaged moral of family harmony even in the midst of despair and turmoil.

The Screenhead Ten Scale hands the inspired madness that is Coopers’ Christmas an eight out of ten. Low brow it may be (if the brow on this were any lower it’d be a goatee), awkward it may be, downright disgusting it may be, but for sheer force of laughs, you will be hard pressed to beat this.

The folks out at Oscilloscope Pictures sent me a copy of Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, and I’ll tell you one thing. I’ve seen some really interesting Christmas horror movies before, and some that were downright godawful. But Rare Exports may well blow every single Christmas horror movie that ever was clean out of the water, because it’s the most singularly original, and yet still plenty exciting, Christmas horror movie ever.

Rare Exports follows a small community of farmers and reindeer herders who’ve seen better days. Their entire crop was almost wiped out following what looks like a wolf attack.  But one young man isn’t so sure, and when his friends start disappearing following the unearthing of something in the mountains of Finland, his refusal to accept the common explanation, and willingness to stick to the strangest of all possible explanations, leads him to quite possibly save the children of the world against a force more evil than any the world has seen in a long time: Santa Claus.

There’s a great blend of horror and action here, with just a little comedy, and an unlikely hero that makes the whole thing a terrific romp. See, this isn’t something that’s been done before. In fact, the explanation of how Santa actually works is based at least somewhat on the legends of the Krampus (when our young hero declares with absolute certainty in his voice that “the Coca Cola Santa is a big hoax” I couldn’t decide whether I should laugh or just let my jaw drop), which is a legend that I really don’t thing near enough horror movies are taking on.

The Krampus, for background, was basically a supplementary figure to Santa Claus, geared to punish the wicked children (even in some cases dragging them off to hell itself), while Santa handed out rewards to the good children, and the Krampus tradition is actually celebrated to this day in certain parts of Europe.

But where Rare Exports really shines is in all the exciting twists that I really can’t tell you about, only to encourage you to check this out when it finally hits video store shelves and suchlike (would’ve been great to get this one a full theatrical release–it likely would’ve done better than a whole lot of movies), and in all honesty, this really serves to underscore how surprisingly well the Scandinavian horror market is doing. We’ve seen great Norwegian horror, great Danish horror, even great Swedish horror, but a dose of horror from the brooding Finns is well worth our time too.

If you want a dose of thoroughly original horror that’s got a whole lot of action tossed in, then Rare Exports is absolutely one you want to see.

The Screenhead Ten Scale, in turn, gives this terrifically original and thoroughly engaging romp an eight out of ten for managing to do a lot of different things equally well.

Okay, let me set a scene up for you.  It’s Christmas Eve, all the packages have been wrapped or shipped, dinner is mostly made for tomorrow–just needs some reheating because you bought a package from the local grocery’s deli case, the tree is trimmed and lit, and there’s nothing that needs to be done.

Sounds like time for hot cocoa and Johnny Mathis, right?  Maybe one of those old Christmas specials you grew up with? Yeah, Hermie the dentist elf is sounding pretty good right now.

Until all the power in your apartment building goes out.  And it looks like the whole of Los Angeles lost power too.

There have been earthquakes all afternoon.  The news calls them “unusual”.

Oh, and did I mention the flesh-eating hell beasties boiling up out of the basement?

Sounds freaky, no? The poster has hit, as has the trailer, so a release date can’t be terribly far behind.  All I can say is that this sucker definitely looks like it’ll pack a punch.  So stick around, because we’ve got a winner on our hands.  Oh, and that trailer?  We’ve got it directly below.

Merry Christmas, folks…it might be your last.

We have our winners!  They are Tracy Byram (13), John Rasmussen (14), Alicia (28) and Andria (58). Congratulations everyone and Merry Christmas!

A beloved and iconic figure in a multitude of cultures around the world … but do you know the true story behind this ubiquitous legend?  Find out in In Search of Santa Claus. 

Saint Nick, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, Santa Claus … From Armenia (Gaghant Baba) to China (Dun Che Lao Ren), India (Ganesha) and Yugoslavia (Deda Mraz), this beloved and iconic symbol of holiday cheer is known by dozens of names.  But who was he really?  

Smithsonian Networks takes a revealing pop history look at the amazing transformation of a holy man into a treasured icon of Christmas joy.  

I think we’ve all been there once or twice.  Sitting through an interminable family gathering at Christmas and thinking, man, this is NOTHING like what those cheery Christmas songs promise.  Grandma’s off pinching cheeks again, even yours, and you’ve been out of college for four years already…Aunt Mabel’s asking when you’re finally going to get married…an army of cousins is running around screaming, chasing each other with various and sundry items.

On the whole, you’d rather be at the movies.

And the theaters are doing their level best to acknowledge that desire by putting up some big names that day.  Of course, it does help that Christmas Day is a Friday this year, so the normal rules of distribution can easily apply.  Check out what’s coming:

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel: Yeah, they’re not kidding on that score.  Apparently Jason Lee will be back to take more abuse at the hands of animated rodents, but the big news on this one is that the Chippettes will actually be in play on this one.

It’s Complicated: If you can get past the sheer squick factor of Steve Martin geezering his way through a rom-com, you might well enjoy this tale of a divorced man who’s looking to get back with his ex-wife, despite leaving her for a younger woman.  Only trouble is, she may have found a new man herself.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus: Four words: Heath. Ledger’s. Last. Movie.  That alone should give this one a punch, but the Terry Gilliam direction, incredible visuals (if the trailer’s any indication) and purely A-list cast give this one a summer movie credibility in the midst of winter.

Sherlock Holmes: This looked like another summer movie too, frankly–I could’ve seen sitting through this one back in July.  But it’s definitely got the comic action that we’ve come to expect from Robert Downey Jr. post-Iron Man.

So if that’s not reason enough to get you to the theaters at some point Christmas Day, well, then you must really like the family gathering thing.

Okay, admittedly, for some people Christmas Day is really more a day to spend at home.  Lots of people don’t even celebrate Christmas, from most of the Jewish community–not to mention all the other religions that don’t celebrate–to the Christians who actually think that Christmas is evil because the early church hijacked it from the pagans (I’ve always wanted to ask them, well, pagans used calendars, too–are those evil?).  But if you’d rather spend December 25th as a day off work at home with some hot cocoa and your Netflix queue, well, don’t despair. There are MANY good choices for you–too many to easily list, in fact.

New release day for home video is almost always Tuesday, though there’s been some getting away from that in recent months, the trend seems to hold.  Thus, these are releases for Tuesday, December 22.

District 9 - The summer’s biggest and most unexpected sci-fi spectacular had to be District 9.  This one began as a YouTube short by director Neill Blomkamp, who drew the attention of Wingnut Films head and Hobbit helmer Peter Jackson.

500 Days of Summer – An offbeat romcom featuring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel, this one focuses on a guy who dates a girl for five hundred days…before she leaves.

Extract -The chronically overlooked Mike Judge goes back to the office to bring us the story of a man who has everything, and may just be about to lose it all.

All About Steve – A clumsy, perky, goofy Sandra Bullock stalks a guy cross country and everyone calls it romantic.  Had the genders been swapped on this one it probably would’ve wound up a suspense thriller.

And there’s at least nine more movies coming out that week alone, so if you’d rather not fight the holiday crowds, get to the video store.  There’s plenty of company there, and it leaves after two hours or so.

Well Ho Ho Ho! Dwayne Struthers (56) is the winner!!

The new CGI animated title Gotta Catch Santa Claus  – featuring none other than William Shatner himself as the voice of Santa and the captain of the most important sleigh in the world! 

I don’t know if this will become a modern-day holiday classic because both my husband and daughter found the movie too modern and kind of weird because the kids in the movie were not wearing winter clothes in the snow. The characters didn’t set a good example of how children should behave. Yet, the movie is being promoted as funny, contemporary and enjoyable for the entire family and features six jolly jammin’ new holiday songs. My daughter commented that the songs are not all that great either. She also told me about a department store Santa Claus who picked up kids and was mean to the kids as the parents took a pictures. By the time they get off his lap, they started crying. 

Any-Ho! The story centers on a friend who starts to doubt the idea of Santa Claus, 12 year old Trevor sets out on a mission to catch old St. Nick in order to prove his existence and put the skeptics to rest.  Gotta Catch Santa Claus, which will be broadcast nationally on ABC Family during their annual “25 Days of Christmas” programming block, features bonus materials on the DVD that include deleted scenes, behind the scenes Santa footage, sing-along songs and more!

Okay, folks, being as Christmas decorations have been up in stores since like September and Thanksgiving is mere days away, some of this year’s crop of Christmas movies have burst on to the scene.  And naturally, some are better than others.

Today’s review target, The Christmas Clause, is fair enough if a bit on the predictable side.

In this one, beleaguered mother of three Sophie Kelly is having a tough time with Christmas–and her life.  Her kids are complete monsters (the youngest daughter poured hot chocolate into a bag containing her new holiday party dress for the reason that she wasn’t going to get a puppy from Santa.) and in a moment of absolute weakness, she wishes for the life of a former friend from college.  Her new life is filled with glamour and excitement, but at the same time, a lack of overall satisfaction as she discovers what “she” did to get all that glamour and excitement.  Now, longing for her OLD life back, she makes a push to get it back…but it’ll be a lot tougher than she expected.

Yes, this is the kind of thing we’ve all seen before.  A little more of that It’s A Wonderful Life sort of thing that seems to crop up in December’s movies like bad fruitcake and crowded malls.  And yet, at the same time, it’s also endearing, like the Charlie Brown Christmas special that never goes away, that you watch every year even though you already knows how it ends, and how it starts, and how Linus will manage to NOT flub his lines, despite the fact that he’d been nervous about it all episode.

The Christmas Clause is your Christmas sweater.  That one special treat you only get at Christmas, even if you’re not that fond of it.  You watch it or read it or eat it anyway because you remember how it felt when you first saw it. Or read it, ate it or whatever.

Don’t expect this to be a great movie, or even an original movie.  What it is is a Christmas movie and that’s all it needs to be.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives this predictable, straightforward Christmas pudding a six out of ten for being good at what it does, but ignoring the fact that it probably shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

’Tis the season to join the King Family, once christened America’s first family of song, in an all-new television special celebrating their tuneful holiday TV spectaculars in Christmas With the King Family, on DVD today! 

In celebration of the 45^th anniversary of their ABC debut, join the King Family on DVD for the first time ever as they take a heartwarming look back at their classic specials in this all-new holiday TV event, coming to public television soon from Polly O Entertainment.  In clips unseen for decades (now digitally remastered), The Kings perform a cavalcade of classic showstoppers, while sharing personal, behind-the-scenes memories in contemporary interviews. 

The music and spirit of Christmas comes through on Christmas with the King Family. It’s pure holiday entertainment that every family will enjoy together every Christmas season. 

Screenhead has 4 copies of Christmas with the King Family to give away.  So, post your name and we will pick the winner Thursday, December 10, 2009.