Today is day two of eight of our whopping awesome coverage of the 2010 After Dark Horrorfest, and it’s the part that makes me the most nervous.

See, the first couple of movies in always put me a little on edge, because I’m never a hundred percent sure which one–if any!–will actually be the Dog of Horrorfest.  There’s usually one in every season (The Hamiltons, Lake Dead and Dying Breed were the previous three, though Dying Breed wasn’t even that bad, it was merely bad when stacked against the others which were positively epic), and this one was my second guess.  Was it a good one?

Today, we’re talking about Dread, and what’s got me terrified about Dread is just two little words:

Clive Barker.

Clive Barker’s work has always left me a little, well, nonplussed, shall we say.  Oh, who am I kidding?  Clive’s work has historically sucked sour frog ass and everything I ever saw of his up to Midnight Meat Train has been a sad, sorry and shoddy show that either bored me to tears or revolted me to projectile vomiting.  So when I saw that Clive’s Dread had made it into the Horrorfest, I was more than taken aback.

Dread revolves around a couple of college students making a documentary about the things in their life that terrify them.  But their partner, Quaid, is holding a secret from his cohorts–that he saw his parents murdered by an axe-toting psychopath.  Quaid in turn has thus decided to hijack the documentary for his own ends…to subject those students to those things that they dread, and thus, project his own suffering on others.

Well, folks, thankfully, I’m not too far off as I believe I’ve found the Horrorfest’s dog.  Dread spends the first two thirds or so of its run time being chatty and just generally boring as all hell.

The last third will be filled with pointless brutality.

There is one high point, however, in the irony involved in the last ten minutes or so.  This irony is awesome but not nearly awesome enough to make up for the fact that I spent the first hour or so trying desperately to stay awake.  And the irony doesn’t last long before Barker slips into his other standard, disgusting.

Again, I don’t even know how this misery tour got into the Horrorfest in the first place.  When it’s not boring, it’s disgusting.  The only real saving grace to Dread is that when it’s disgusting, it’s at least not boring.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives this vomitous snoozefest a three out of ten for insulting the Horrorfest by its mere existence.

To celebrate the release of The Beatnicks DVD on April 6, 2010, Screenhead is holding a giveaway courtesy of www.thebeatnicks.com The giveaway includes one copy of the soundtrack along with a copy of the DVD signed by actor Norman Reedus.

Norman Reedus, perhaps best known for cult phenomenon The Boondock Saints, stars in the long awaited release, The Beatnicks. 

The film also stars Mark Boone Jr.(award winning FX series Sons of Anarchy), Elodie Bouchez (Alias) and co-stars Eric Roberts (Batman: The Dark Knight), Jon Gries (Napoleon Dynamite) and Patrick Bauchau (The Pretender). The film will be available through Passion River Films.

Set in Los Angeles a poet and a musician, both named Nick,  known as The Beatnicks are in search of a gig. They find a magic box on the beach. They open it and it creates amazing music that hypnotizes anyone who hears it. The Nicks use the box to get booked for a show, but their abuse of the box’s powers has unforeseen consequences.

The poet falls in love and the musician meets a guru. Ultimately, they must both learn the lesson of “no suffering, no understanding”. As the film concludes, The Beatnicks reach a deeper understanding of themselves and the box earns them the gig of a lifetime.

The prize package includes:

- The Beatnicks Soundtrack & DVD
- Signed by actor Norman Reedus

The promotional company is asking one entry per household and one winner per household. US and non-US residents can enter the giveaway. 

Post your name and Screenhead will pick the winner on Tuesday, April 6, 2010.

Today is a great day for me, folks–for the next two weeks, we’re going to be covering one of the greatest events in horror filmmaking.

Every year, a group of eight movies comes out and lands squarely on video store shelves after an all too brief run in a handful of theaters.  That series of eight is known as the After Dark Horrorfest, and I’ve got all eight of them right here to cover, courtesy of the crew out at Lions Gate.

I’ve been dealing with this series since its inception fully four years ago–this is the fourth year.  As such, I’ve learned a lot–one film in the series is usually going to be of lower quality than the rest, one film will blow my mind, and most of the rest will be at least good.

Today, we’re starting with my first pick, which is also most likely to be what I call the “dog” of the Horrorfest–The Reeds.  The Reeds follows six twenty-somethings on board the Corsair Star, out for a weekend of fun and parties.  And as is generally the case with a weekend like this, most of these kids likely won’t survive the weekend.

I know, it sounds awfully derivative–the kind of slasher flick we’ve all seen a couple dozen times already.  So how did this one make it into the Horrorfest?

How it got in, and as it turns out, I’ve made a serious miscalculation in my pick for the 2010 Dog of Horrorfest (my own title for the usually lone bad movie in the series–every Horrorfest since the beginning has had one), is by SOUNDING like a straight slasher flick, but actually being much, much more complex.

In fact, by the time about an hour has passed, you’ll discover a huge and horrible surprise in the offing, with the only thing left to explain is how it’s all happening in the first place.  I don’t dare tell you what it is without spoilering like no tomorrow, but you’re going to be just plain old AMAZED by what you see here.

The explanation will turn out to be a little less than satisfying, but the concept is still pretty entertaining and definitely very unique.  If this actually IS the dog, then we’re in for a bang-up two weeks, I kid you not.

The Screenhead Ten Scale, meanwhile, gives The Reeds, an exciting and twisty little title a seven out of ten for not being quality what it might have been, but still being plenty good in its own right.

In 1972, a scale of measurement was established for alien encounters. The final level, abduction, was classified as the fourth kind.  This encounter has been the most difficult to document . . . until now.  Experience the most disturbing evidence of alien abduction ever documented in the provocative thriller, The Fourth Kind, on the streets now on Blu-ray^™ Hi-Def, DVD and Digital Download from Universal Studios Home Entertainment.  

Based on actual case studies, The Fourth Kindincludes never-before-seen archival footage exposing the terrified revelations of witnesses whose claims of being visited by alien figures are all frighteningly identical.  Starring Milla Jovovich (A Perfect Getaway, Resident Evil franchise), Elias Koteas (The Haunting in Connecticut, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) and Will Patton (The Punisher, Remember the Titans). 

This movie was way too scary for me to watch.  I’d have nightmares if I watched this movie. If you think you are brave enough to sit down and watch this revealing movie, then enter the giveaway for a Standard DVD. 

The Fourth Kind, which includes never-before-seen archival footage exposing the terrified revelations of witnesses whose claims of being visited by alien figures are all frighteningly identical, available now on Blu-ray, DVD and Digital Download! 

Screenhead has one copy of The Fourth Kind to giveaway. Post your name and we will pick the winner In Sunday, April 11, 2010.

Seriously, that’s exactly what it is.  It’s not every day that I can sum up an entire article–especially for a movie with a patently preposterous run time of two hundred and eighty eight minutes, but AMC’s The Prisoner (which the guys at Warner Brothers sent a copy of) is exactly that.

A truly massive and thoroughly epic mindbender is truly the only way to describe it.

We join a man named Six, who’s convinced that the life he’s leading is not reality, and that his life in a charming little place called The Village is not really his life.  And the more we find out about Six, and the more we find out about The Village, the more we discover that there’s a whole lot going on under the surface, and that The Village itself is merely that surface.

Ooooh, spooky!  And considering that this is based on an old television show, it’s really not that surprising that the mindbending levels in here are just plain old epic.

In fact, listening to Six’s “niece” explain the intricacies of The Village’s favorite television show, Wonkers, will be a wonderful microcosmic view of the constant skein of twists and turns in which we find ourselves following The Prisoner around.

But there’s a problem here, lingering under that surface–and the problem is for us.  As twisty and suspenseful as this all may be, the payoff…the payoff is really not at all worth what all you’re going to go through to get there.  The third episode, for example, will introduce you to the “undercovers”, a subset of the population that answers only to The Village’s leader, Number Two.  None of the “undercovers” know who the others are, so, as Six points out, everybody in The VIllage could be an “undercover” spying on everybody else.

This is exactly what watching The Prisoner is like–a whole raftload of questions (where are we?  who’s really a spy and who isn’t? why must all food on this island be first wrapped in a tortilla before serving? and I’m not kidding on that one, either, that’s a real question) and not very many interesting answers.  Some, sure, and some more interesting than others, but still…not too many.

But still, there are more than a few people out there who love nothing more than a great and confusing mystery, in the hopes that they can unscramble it themselves before they’re told by the story itself, and in that case, this is a fantastic little title.  Otherwise, sadly, it will be huge, jumbled, and fora sorrowfully disappointing payoff.

The Screenhead Ten Scale is puzzled by the whole thing, but realizes that, as puzzles go, this one couldn’t be much more complex.  And so it gives The Prisoner a six out of ten for succeeding admirably in its primary objective–which is clearly to confuse the hell out of anyone who watches it–but no more than that for not being very satisfying at the end.

And so, Lions Gate gets a little more high-brow by shipping me a copy of The Stoning of Soraya M. for me to review, and the end result will downright surprise you.

The Stoning of Soraya M. follows a journalist who gets stranded in a remote village in Iran with car trouble.  But what he’s stumbled on when he runs into one of the villagers is the start of a long and horrifying story about lies, deceit and infidelity.  The villager spins the journalist a story of a local woman whose husband wanted a divorce.  But rather than getting it through normal channels, he decided to accuse his wife of adultery instead.

And apparently, in Iran, this calls for the death by stoning of the woman in question.

That’s the story, anyway–and rest assured that this story has caused a whole lot of trouble for a whole lot of people.  Considering that a Danish cartoonist almost died over something like this, it’s a wonder the movie ever got made.  Its depiction of corruption and deceit is both stark and horrifying in its way.  And yet, there are also depictions of love and courage in here that will uplift even as the horrors threaten to drag you under.

The Stoning of Soraya M. possesses an incredible depth that goes in every possible direction to produce a tale that’s moving and intense.  Some of it will make you angry.  A lot of it will make you deeply sad.  But interestingly, there’s precious little about it that will leave you bored.  And in the end, that may be the surest sign that a movie has done its job.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives this powerful story of betrayal and deceit a nine out of ten for its incredible power and its well-crafted story.

The Girl From B.I.K.I.N.I. is back on her back with the fate of the free world resting in the balance in Bikini Royale 2: The Right to Bare All. The Unrated DVD is on the streets from Infinity Entertainment Group. 

This hip bikini movie is about an enemyspy ring discovered to be operating out of the House of Tarts. Oh my! The House is run by the evil Madame Zola (Brandin Rackley). Vixen heroine Tanya X (Beverly Lynne, in her most famous role) must go undercover to infiltrate the gang. 

Posing as a prostitute, Tanya gets down to the bottom of the trouble quickly using her sensuous and secretive talents.  But can she crack the mystery of the house of missing girls in time or will her sexual escapades be her undoing once and for all? 

Does this movie have lots of sex and naked girls?  The only way to find out is see the movie.  But I am sure you can take a sexy guess. 

Screehead has 4 copies of Bikini Royale 2: The Right to Bare All for 4 lucky winners.  Post your name and we will pick the winner Monday, March 15, 2010.

An all-star cast led by Michael Jai White is featured in this 1970′s-style blaxploitation action film about the legendary super crime fighter “Black Dynamite.”

The Man killed his brother, pumped heroin into local orphanages, and flooded the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor. Black Dynamite was the one hero willing to fight The Man all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House. 

The DVD is on the streets, Jive Turkey!

Check out the trailer Mother Fucka!