The folks out at MTI sent over a copy of Legion: The Final Exorcism for us to review, and I’ve been seeing a whole lot of exorcism movies lately. Though this one is supposedly based on true events–they’ll tell you as much in a small title crawl in the early moments of the movie–it’s a little too weird to be believable as truth, even in part.

Legion: the Final Exorcism takes Michael San Chica, Episcopal minister, who’s very much on the outs with his church for pounding on the exorcism button way too often, including on his own wife, with fatal results. And he’s come back to take on a familiar foe, one he’d vowed to send back to hell if he ever found again. And not surprisingly, he’s found it again. But will he fulfill his vow…or die trying?

It watches almost like an episode of Cops for a while there, but with worse dialogue. Seriously, does anyone actually think a ten year old boy would describe his nightmares as “I’m seeing evil things again”? And it only gets more unintentionally comical from there; I spent much of the first fifteen minutes of this movie just laughing myself stupid as the most ludicrous lines and scenes flew by in high-speed cuts like some kind of cheesy MTV movie version of a horror flick.

I’ll say this for Legion: The Final Exorcism–it does have some scary moments. It also has entirely too many funny moments, because this thing is taking itself way too seriously with virtually no merit or viable reason to take itself this seriously. It’s pretty shabbily constructed, downright low-end. The script is weak, the pacing slow and the whole concept inferior.

It’s far from a blanket condemnation–it will have some decent parts in it–it’s just that the whole is a little on the weak side. If you’re willing to put up with the soft spots, you might enjoy the whole thing, and maybe even get some laughs out of it. Mark Heavener, director, writer, and lead actor of the whole magilla, actually looks quite a bit like a young Bruce Campbell with a weaker chin, and while this can’t quite match the over the top antics of a Sam Raimi horror flick, it doesn’t do a terrible job.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives the mixed bag that is Legion: The Final Exorcism a five out of ten for letting its audience down in a lot of ways, but providing a few unexpected pleasures along the way.

We have our two winners!  They are Susan E. and Momznite, congratulations!

This is a delightful family film to watch during the holidays.  I saw the movie with my family, and everyone one just loved it. The Rob Reiner directed film features a fun-loving story adapted from Wendelin Van Draanens bestselling novel Flipped, and stars the up and coming young actress Madeline Carroll (Swing Vote) as well as John Mahoney (Frasier). Flipped is a movie that everyone can relate to as it explores the innocence and simplicity of first love.

The movie is like Reiner’s When Harry Met Sally with the expectation it all happens before the boy and girl reach thirteen years of age.

Inception DVD/Blu-ray hits the streets tomorrow, so I thought I’d post Inception in real time. It is incredible to watch, but beware of spoilers!  

Please note that the dream sequences are sped up because, theoretically, 2 minutes of sleep time equals 2 hours of dream time. For that reason, you will see all of Inception’s dream levels as they occur simultaneously.

Once again, the folks out at the History Channel have sent me a beautiful piece to write up for you–the complete Engineering An Empire series. And you’ll find some truly amazing facts here, packaged in a terrific and compelling package.

Engineering an Empire packs fully fourteen DVDs into its box set, and each of those covering two or three different empires, for fully thirty two hours of Imperial marvels.  You’ll see the beginnings of Greece through to Alexander’s day, China, the Goths, the Huns, the Mongols, the Vikings, and many, many more.

And here’s the absolute best part–Robocop himself will show you through it. That’s right–Peter Weller handles the hosting duties here, and he does a terrific job, bringing a historian’s logic together with an actor’s flair. But he won’t be alone here, as experts of every stripe and description will throw in too, so much so that Peter Weller isn’t actually here very long–some episodes more so than others. This is something of a shame, but still.

You’ll get word from historians, architects, military historians; you’ll get word on culture, engineering, military prowess, science of the era, and so on. Seriously, you’re going to get exhaustive studies of just about anything and everything you ever wanted to know about huge portions of the ancient world.

And this is both the problem and the greatest facet of Empires–you will have to have an interest in history to enjoy this. It’s a strict necessity. You will learn so very much about the empires of the world that it will astonish you–but you have to be interested in learning, or you will be utterly lost and see no point here.

For budding historians, and those with a fondness for the history of the world, Empires will be a treat unlike many others. For those without the interest, well, this will be a taxing and painfully dull experience.  Because all it is, you understand, is a historical treatise on the world’s empires. It goes incredibly in-depth on this subject, but since it has no overarching narrative to pay attention to or any kind of other distraction, it’s really little more than a series of facts strung together.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives Empires a seven out of ten–it’s a terrific piece, but it’s so niche that a lot of people aren’t going to have a lot of enjoyment here. History buffs take note: you will love this.

I complain a lot that The Asylum seemingly cannot be bothered to produce anything original, while they’re in the process of remaking most every big movie on the face of the earth with an occasional nod to monster-driven craptaculars geared toward endless reruns on the SyFy Channel. They sent me a copy of MILF recently to review, and as I have discovered, sometimes the old adage bears true: be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

MILF follows a horde of oversexed and underattractive young men who have come to realize that women their own age aren’t interested in oversexed and underattractive young men. And therefore, they set their sights in a different and largely underapproached direction, the fabled MILF, or Mom I’d Like to…well…you can figure out the rest. But as our crew of misfits will discover, the older ladies have an agenda all their own, and it may be too much for them to handle.

Awkward is part and parcel of the entire package, both between our crew of nerdly cohorts and the tragic environment in which they find themselves. In fact, large quantities of MILF will be painful to watch.

When the movie is describing exactly how I feel about it in dialogue form (specifically a line early on that reads “I…I just want that out of my head…wow…no.”), I know it’s not going well.  I wished that the movie were over no less than five times in the first fifteen minutes. That’s an average of about once every three minutes.

The first half of MILF is like some kind of perplexing endurance test in which you watch graphically disastrous attempts of young men out to improve their love lives and fail, in the most horrendous of fashions, at every given opportunity. The second half doesn’t do much better, though improvements are evident, and is certainly not worth the tour of misery and disaster that it took to get there, especially when you watch one woman give one of our nerdy cohort a hernia exam in the middle of a dance club.

MILF is oddly misogynistic in its way, with the younger women portrayed almost universally as spiteful and immature, taking every opportunity to stick it to the nerdly bunch and wander off with idiot jock boyfriends whilst the older women are portrayed as almost insane in their sexual ambition, with one of our nerdly bunch ending up nearly immersed in chocolate syrup and another in a bizarre three-way with a yogi and her yoga master / husband. Give them credit for one bit of hilarity, however, as one of the nerdly lot finds himself pursued by a gaggle of children all shrieking “Are you my daddy?” following one encounter the next morning.

Give MILF some credit, it does improve in the second half, but like I said, you’re going to have to slog through hell and back to get there. The question is, are you going to want to follow along with that disaster long enough to get to the part that could be called good, which isn’t really all that good.

The Screenhead Ten Scale hands a disaster that will eventually prove mildly endearing after you choke down a horrible first half a four out of ten for being bad in the start, and improving to mediocre in the second half. Give The Asylum some credit, though, at least it’s kind of original.

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Steve Austin, and an unmatchable ensemble cast of action-movie superstars, The Expendables is the kind of action-packed thrill ride dudes dream about.

The movie is debuting on Movies On Demand the same day as the ultimate chick flick Eat, Pray, Love. During Thanksgiving, which side are you going to be on?  

Lionsgate put together a special “living poster” for The Expendable.  It’s a pretty cool poster, I like it. But where is Arnold!?

Just think, if Ed Burns hadn’t of chosen to stay out of the big studio system with the film Nice Guy Johnny, shooting on a tight budget and forgoing a theatrical release; creating a better business model for independent filmmakers, Screenhead would never have held this giveaway!

Since we did hold the giveaway, we have our two winners: Marcy Strahan and Sara Heller!  Congratulations to our two lucky winners!

 The Nice Guy Johnny Prize Pack includes:

Signed Nice Guy Johnny poster by Ed Burns

Signed Nice Guy Johnny screenplay by Ed Burns

DVD of Nice Guy Johnny

Soundtrack from Nice Guy Johnny

Like I mentioned before, I would love to get my hands on the signed screenplay. What a treasure that would be!  But, I can’t participate in the giveaway because I am sponsoring it. Alas!

Oh my gosh!  We have ten winners of five TNA Wrestling DVDs!

TNA Wrestling is the hottest action-packed sport on television today. Every Thursday night the drama and athleticism of TNA Wrestling is featured on TNA iMPACT! on SPIKE.

The winners are Any Delong, Terri Dell, Angie Sandy, Maja Meza, Nicole C. , Kindnessandmail, Loren, Meme and R Lukenbill.

TNA features some of the most well known names in wrestling, including: Hulk Hogan, Jeff Hardy, RVD, Kurt Angle, Ric Flair, Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Kevin Nash, Mr. Anderson, Tara, Mick Foley, AJ Styles, Velvet Sky, Angelina Love, and many more.

I can’t believe it! We will had 10 winners with this giveaway! Each prize pack includes 5 TNA Wrestling DVDs.  The DVDs within the each prize pack are:

• TNA Greatest Moments
• TNA Against All Odds
• TNA Destination X
• Kurt Angle Champion
• TNA Best of 2007

More Giveaways are coming!

Corbin Bernsen’s latest gig is playing a forsaken priest, who defrocks himself and then puts his collar back on once he helps to prove a man’s innocence after being accused of murder. 

Bernsen also directs Rust and I like his work.  It’s good to see him stretching his talent in a divine way. I hope to see more of his work.

We picked the winner for the giveaway of the Rust!  The winner is Amber G.  Congratulations!  This should be an interesting movie to watch.

We have three winners for the DVD about the music industry can be hard and cold, but hip-hop can be flat out dangerous in the suspenseful thriller The Next Hit, now out on DVD.  If you like rappers and their music, then you’ll like this movie.

The winners are:

Laura Deluca

Ron Clayton

Rbenson

In the wake of declining record sales, label giant Super Star Records’ luck takes an unexpected upturn when their marquee rapper is murdered during violent industry turf wars.  Sales soon hit the roof, but the artist’s death remains a mystery.

A clue finally emerges when the dead rapper’s friend, Rod, is suspected of knowing more than he’s said. After several attempts are made on his life, Rod’s popularity increases, resulting in even more success for the record label. With fame making it hard to hide, Rod and girlfriend Ana nevertheless go on the run.

With rappers on the verge of all-out war, how will Rod react when he learns that Ana and Super Star Records were in on the ploy from the start?