There are times when you watch a movie that it feels like it was handled by somebody in particular.  Most George Romero or Steven Spielberg or even Michael Bay movies have that certain feel about them, and you can tell, even as you watch them, that this movie was handled by that person.

2012 feels EXACTLY like a Roland Emmerich movie because, let’s face it, we’ve all been here before.  It’s just gotten a LOT bigger since the last time.

This time, as it turns out, the Mayan calendar that’s gotten so much press over the last few months or so was exactly right and the end of the world as we know it starts up on December 21, 2012.  And for a writer and father, who’s been somewhat estranged from his family of late, the whole world will quite literally never be the same again.

If you saw The Day After Tomorrow, ironically, you’ll have about a thirty percent head start into 2012 because it’s almost the EXACT SAME MOVIE.  Both will feature scientists who catch on to things way ahead of the rest of the curve, but no one will believe them for a while until it’s almost too late, then there will be a whole lot of horrendous things happening that are far, far, more outlandish than anybody’s worst case scenarios.  Sprinkle in some bad science, top it off with some schmaltzy family drama, and boom!  You’ve got yet another half baked Roland Emmerich disaster movie that will probably make its shooting budget back if for no other reason that people LOVE to see stuff go boom.

Idiocracy fans, take note–at this rate Ass will be in theaters summer 2015.

Seriously though, this isn’t really a BAD movie.  It’s a bit overlong, sure, and don’t even try to find this movie’s science on a map because it just plain old DON’T EXIST, and don’t even get me started on Roland’s big middle finger to greedheads everywhere who think they can buy their way out of disaster.

But there is plenty going on here.  You’re almost certain to be entertained.  Even I was entertained.  There’s no long term value in a movie like this, but for a pleasant way to kill off two and a half hours with explosions and drama and a number of car jumps so large as to make Bo and Luke themselves have car envy (the first time I saw John Cusack JUMP A LIMO all I could think was “Well sir, right about then the Duke boys knew they was in a heap o’ trouble”.  Try it; it’s fun!), there’s not much better.  And by the way–it’s AWESOME that Woody Harrelson’s in this.  I’ve got a whole new respect for this man.

The Screenhead Ten Scale, meanwhile, shakes its head with a sardonic grin and hands this low-brow disaster epic a six out of ten for its sheer fun factor, even if its plot is a load of steaming garbage that’s about a third of a ripoff and its science so lousy even a fourth grader could knock it into a cocked hat.

Well…here we go.  Rumors about the next Transformers movie have emerged, and anything short of Michael Bay actually putting a proton cannon in his own mouth and tabbing the firing stud will be something of a disappointment.

But you’ve got to admit, the guy has made thinking big into an art form.  Long term Trans fans may not be wondering, but everyone else might wonder what’s next?  The answer may already have been given away via the Transformers 2 DVD, found on an Easter egg.

Here, let’s have some fun.  Guess the new secret huge feature for Transformers 3!

A. For some reason, QUINTESSONS! Finally!

B. Megatron will finally make the big move to Galvatron.

C. Out of nowhere, UNICRON!!

The answer, of course, is C.  Michael Bay must have some kind of mental disorder in which he must do everything bigger and louder than he did it before, and when he can no longer do bigger and louder, he must move on to something else.

Although I did enjoy Unicron, I’d still personally love to see those fabulously schizophrenic Quintessons get a piece of the action somewhere.  Why, I might even look forward to a Michael Bay movie if that were so!

Ohhhh wow.  Okay, folks, sit down for this one, because this is some SWEET news that’s already got me hunting in the couch cushions for ticket money.

Seems Jerry Bruckheimer‘s got it in his head to try and do a remake of the old PC game Shattered Union, in which Washington D.C. gets nuked and the remaining states collapse into their own regional nation-states, with the Europeans insisting that we get our act together.  Meanwhile the Russians are using the resultant melees to retake Alaska.

It’s a pretty complex idea, and putting Jerry Bruckheimer in charge of it assumes that major portions of the backstory will be smoothly glossed over in favor of more bang-bang.  I say “major portions”, of course, this isn’t a MICHAEL BAY movie, after all–there’ll be some story in here too.

But is this too narrow a concept?  Is Bruckheimer counting on the gamers only to show up in droves?  Will that be enough?  We’ll be waiting quite some time to find out-the project is still in development.

Michael Bay made an official post at his website. Transformers 3 is his next picture. He had a five hour meeting in San Francisco and is now headed east to discuss the story and characters with Hasbro.  His small movie plan for Pain and Gail will go into production after Transformers 3 is in the can on July 1, 2011.

He left this note for Megan Fox:

P.S. Megan Fox, welcome back. I promise no alien robots will harm you in any way during the production of this motion picture. Please consult your Physician when working under my direction because some side effects can occur, such as mild dizziness, intense nausea, suicidal tendencies, depression, minor chest hair growth, random internal hemorrhaging and inability to sleep. As some directors may be hazardous to your health, please consult your Doctor to determine if this is right for you.

(Source)

Whoa.  I really hadn’t expected to see the Nightmare on Elm Street trailer up, and frankly, I had to watch it through once before I could even write about it.  I had already been rickrolled several times prior, you understand, and so I watched, and I was downright surprised.

See, the fact that Michael Bay is attached to this for anything more responsible than fetching coffee and signing checks has me pathologically unnerved.  But when I watched it, and saw how at least fairly close to the original it seemed, I was actually really surprised.  Sufficiently surprised to issue a statement of support for this one.

I’m amazed to say it but this might actually be good.  Jackie Earle Haley definitely has some serious chops, and his Rorschach was a great jumping off point for Krueger who, when you come right down to it, is essentially acting as a vigilante in his own twisted logic.  But anyway–the trailer is directly below, and rest assured, this one should amaze you as much as it did me.

Special note to Will Smith and company: ENOUGH ALREADY.

Yes, it’s apparently true that for some reason (probably a desperate push for more money) there will indeed be a Bad Boys 3.  What is this, Old Home Week for Martin Lawrence?  First it’s Big Momma’s House 3, now we wind up with Bad Boys 3?  And yes…just in case you might have held out hope, Michael Bay is hoped by the studio to be back directing.

This means you at least know what to expect going in–plenty of explosions and special effects with short shrift given to anything that might accidentally resemble a coherent plotline.  But at least you know what to expect, so I figure that if this sucker manages to get off the ground it’ll either be a summer movie or dumped neck-deep in January.  There’s no word on script or release date or anything like that; everything’s still real early stage.   It might take us until 2011 to get this one in theatres, so brace yourself just in case.

Sarcasm is dripping off that title like drool from a fanboy’s mouth when you start talking about the next Guillermo Del Toro movie.

But it’s no less true for the scathing sarcasm–Michael Bay really IS planning yet another remake for his Platinum Dunes studio, and this time, he’s going after…The Tenant.

Yeah, I know, I’m kind of freaked out too.  Frankly, I hadn’t even HEARD of this relic of a bygone era, and had to investigate it.  Amazon didn’t even have it, and only the IMDB could save me here.

It was an old Roman Polanski film, for crying out loud.  It involved a man taking an apartment in which a man had committed suicide, and was apparently the inspiration for David Croenenburg, which proves that it’s going to be about three hundred pounds of weird in a half-pound sack.  Roman Polanski by himself is a catastrophic study in screwed-up but when you consider that this helped MAKE CROENENBURG, well, then there’s nothing to do but just lock up the acid and keep your sponsor on speed dial because your world is about to get horrendously messed up.

So the thought of Michael Bay trying to remake this steaming pile of lunacy just puzzles me.  I actually admit I’m looking forward to it.  What will a complete lack of talent do to a movie that’s such an incredible mindbomb that it made Croenenburg?

I’m so freaked out it’s not even funny.

Having become tired of “robots trading punches while cars explode in the background” movies, infamous director Michael Bay is set to produce and possibly direct I am Number Four.

The film will be based on a six-book science fiction series that follows a group of nine earthbound alien teens who escape their planet just before it was destroyed by hostile species.

While they try to assimilate to the new environment, the title character discovers that he is being hunted by the forces that blew up his planet.

James Fey is attached as a writer. Steven Spielberg is also expected to be involved in a capacity similar to his behind-the-scenes work on Transformers.

Paramount’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen sucked most the money from the box office worldwide over the last five days.  One of the best launches to date ever, grossing a massive $387.3 million worldwide through Sunday.

As reported here on Screenhead yesterday, domestically, the five-day opening brought in $201.2 million nearly matching the best five-day gross of all time: $203.8 million for Warner Bros. The Dark Knight.

Michael Bay is one happy dude.  The director said Transformers 2 was going to be a blow ‘em up, super special effects galore movie.  By the box office score and reviews, the movie is a blow ‘em up, super-blasting entertaining story. I mean, look at those numbers.  Unbelievable, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen nearly brought in $90 million in one week from domestic box office alone. 

Now, I am curious to see if Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince can surpass these figures.  I think so, but have some doubts.  On July 15th we shall see which movie is the best at the box office this summer.