Vampire movies have always been kind of a strange batch. We’ve had some truly great ones–Salem’s Lot (either one, really, including the sequel), John Carpenter’s Vampires, 30 Days of Night–and of course, a legion of truly lesser pieces. And sometimes, we’ve had some vampire movies that have just been indescribable. One of those titles comes to us via the IFC, who sent out a copy of Vampires.

Basically, three years before the film was released, a company was contracted to shoot a documentary about the vampire community in Belgium. Sounds bizarre on the surface, but they took the deal and dispatched a film crew. Their sound man was promptly devoured. Subsequent attempts actually went worse, if you can believe that, until they sent out just one last crew under what were called “perfectly safe conditions”. Considering that the film is actually dedicated to the film crew–as well as one crewman’s arm–the end result is going to be only marginally better than previous ventures.

Vampires is chilling for many reasons, but the biggest one is that these vampires believe that they’re performing a valuable service to the community. They genuinely believe they’re helping society by kidnapping people and draining them of their blood. Frankly, it’s enough to make you think that  vampire hunters are our greatest natural resource, if these egomaniacal amoral psychotics are actually out there.

And yet, at the same time, Vampires is a real sight to see. This is a documentary devoted to an entirely fictional community, and yet, at every length, it’s believable. This is what you’d expect a movie about vampires to look like, and that’s strange enough in its own right. I mean, seriously–when’s the last time you saw a viable documentary about vampires? And even better, a fictionalized documentary? That’s just what the IFC will put on, and that makes Vampires a really rare and unique find that’s as chilling as it is compelling. It’s even got some funny bits in it that can’t be denied.

It’s hard to believe that a believable documentary about vampires can actually exist, especially given that vampires themselves don’t actually exist. You get an incredible look at their culture, their ceremony, their rules and guidelines, everything. They even do a great follow-up piece keeping up with a vampire clan that was forced to move.

The Screenhead Ten Scale gives Vampires a full ten out of ten by virtue of its sheer uniqueness. There is very little, if anything, out there that’s like this. This is a beautiful little movie, and vampire fans are going to love this.

Love is in the air for humans and vampires…

This photo is for all the Twilight Fans who adore Breaking Dawn. It is a romantic photo of Isle Esme decorated with lanterns on a beach leading to a boat. Summit Entertainment twitted on Valentine’s Day: “Happy Valentine’s Day from Isle Esme!”

According to Twilight aficionados, Isle Esme is the tropical island where Bella and Edward spent for their honeymoon in “Breaking Dawn.” It is an island off the coast of Rio de Janeiro and owned by Esme Cullen, the matriarch of the Olympic Coven.

As mentioned before on Screenhead, the first part of Breaking Dawn will be released on November 18. 2011 and the conclusion will be released on November 16, 2012.

One of my favorite British actors, Michael Sheen, will return as one of the vampire leaders in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn.

According to Variety, Sheen closed the deal with the studio to reprise his turn as Aro, the leader of the vampire royalty Volturi.

Directed by Bill Condon, the movie is based on the final book in the Meyer series, which will be in two parts. Book centers on the mortal Bella (Kristen Stewart) marrying the vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella giving birth to a half-vampire, half-human daughter.

Vampires Suck would not exist if it weren’t for Twilight.  Bold pronouncement, I know, but it’s true. And that makes it a little tough to review.

Vampires Suck follows clearly angst-ridden misunderstood teen Becca as she moves from her home in Nevada following the revelation that her mother’s  been “doing some pro golfer” (which we discover via implication that it’s actually Tiger Woods). She goes to stay with her father in Sporks, and that’s when the romantic horror gets started.  Bella–I mean Becca–meets Edward Sullen (not Cullen, but Sullen–which is actually much more appropriate) over long slow-motion stares, and begins a love affair that will span…a few months, I guess…and end up at the prom?

Basically, if you take everything that was stupid, overwrought and unintentionally funny about Twilight, Breaking Dawn and Eclipse, crank it up past ludicrous, and put it all together, you get Vampires Suck.

See, I found this hilarious.  Why?  Because I sat through Twilight and New Moon. You may remember the reviews of same I did, and if not, I just linked them for you. And for the most part, I hated these movies because they contained so many parts that were stupid, overwrought and unintentionally funny. And Vampires Suck cheerfully mocked EVERYTHING I couldn’t stand about those movies. But this poses a problem.

For Vampires Suck to truly be entertaining, you have to be in the middle of this big Venn diagram–that’s the one with the two circles that overlap.  On the left, one circle reads “Saw Twilight / Breaking Dawn / Eclipse / Any or all of the above” and the other reads “Couldn’t stand it”.  To really appreciate this movie, you have to have both seen the movies, so that you understand the references, and you have to have hated it, so that you WANT to understand.  When you know from experience how stupid it was that Bella basically sat in a chair for three months after Edward left her, it’s funnier that Becca sat in a chair for three months after Edward left HER, and it’s even better because this time everything Becca sees from her window is wearing Edward’s jacket and hairstyle, even a poodle.

See what I mean?  You have to know the reference, and have enough distaste for the reference that mocking it is worthwhile.  If you have these, you’ll laugh constantly.  If not, many of the jokes will likely fall flat.

So for me, and those like me, Vampires Suck is a constant string of laughs.  For those not like me, Vampires Suck is a in-joke fest that never does anything that wasn’t already done. Thus, the Screenhead Ten Scale averages the whole thing out and gives Vampires Suck a five out of ten.

I confess, me and vampire movies have never gotten along.  I’ve grown to hate the Twilight series for its fascination with emo vampires, and most other vampire movies feature overly urbane vampires mincing and emoting about and occasionally sipping blood.  It’s not every day you get the feral vampires of 30 Days of Night or the slow vampire conspiracy of Salem’s Lot or even the “vampires run things now” uniqueness of Daybreakers. But the folks out at IFC–who sent me a review copy of Southern Gothic–want to take a shot at it, and given some of their horror titles (Home Movie jumps out at me like a child’s boogeyman in the night), I have a lot of hope for this one.

Southern Gothic follows Hazel Fortune, a strip club bouncer for whom life has become something of a bother.  And Hazel’s life would be a complete waste if it weren’t for a recent friendship struck with the daughter of a new dancer at the club where Hazel works.  Things are actually looking up, until the girl is kidnapped by Enoch Pitt, a lunatic vampire preacher.  Hazel, now stripped of the last thing that gave his life any meaning at all, runs amok and wades into the vampire horde in a bid to reclaim his only friend from Pitt’s control.

Southern Gothic is actually surprisingly good, at least in parts–the other parts trend a little toward the dull side. A substantial part of the problem is they’re really cranking up the “gothic”, and it winds up doing a LOT of talking in a bid to really project that gothic mood.

However, there’s a lot of innovation here–I don’t believe I’ve ever seen even nominally Christian vampires, let alone vampires that thought they were doing the work of God.  That’s a wrinkle I never thought I’d see, and I should be more upset with them for destroying the mythos (I had the same problem with Twilight) but at the same time I can’t help but be interested by it.  I’m not sure why I’m not–on the surface, they’re the same thing–but the difference here is that this is a bit more believable.  These vampires, after all, don’t sparkle.  They don’t go out in the sun.  They can’t.  But they’re staring down crosses like no tomorrow, and this is a knock against it.

Still though, for the most part, Southern Gothic is a surprisingly entertaining and surprisingly innovative vampire film that has a lot going for it.  It’s broken canon pretty badly and it’s got a tendency to be dull and chatty, but when it gets going, man, does it ever get going.

Thus, the Screenhead Ten Scale hands Southern Gothic a seven out of ten for being a powerful little horror flick, but not without its problems.

In this clip from Twilight’s Eclipse we watch how Jane, played by Dakota Fanning, debates with the other vampires on how they should deal with the new breed of vampires that are more dangerous than ever.

Overture films sent me another photo from the vampire movie Let Me In.  Rubik Cube means what?  I don’t know.   

Overture even sent me the summary of the story, a haunting and provocative thriller written and directed by filmmaker Matt Reeves (Cloverfield). An alienated 12-year-old boy befriends a mysterious young newcomer in his small New Mexico town, and discovers an unconventional path to adulthood.

Twelve-year old Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) is viciously bullied by his classmates and neglected by his divorcing parents. Achingly lonely, Owen spends his days plotting revenge on his middle school tormentors and his evenings spying on the other inhabitants of his apartment complex. His only friend is his new neighbor Abby (Chloe Moretz), an eerily self-possessed young girl who lives next door with her silent father (Oscar nominee Richard Jenkins). A frail, troubled child about Owens’s age, Abby emerges from her heavily curtained apartment only at night and always barefoot, seemingly immune to the bitter winter elements. Recognizing a fellow outcast, Owen opens up to her and before long, the two have formed a unique bond.  

When a string of grisly murders puts the town on high alert, Abby’s father disappears, and the terrified girl is left to fend for herself. Still, she repeatedly rebuffs Owen’s efforts to help her and her increasingly bizarre behavior leads the imaginative Owen to suspect she’s hiding an unthinkable secret.  

The gifted cast of Let Me Intakes audiences straight to the troubled heart of adolescent longing and loneliness in an astonishing coming-of-age story based on the best-selling Swedish novel Lat den Ratte Komma In (Let the Right One In) by John Ajvide Lindqvist, and the highly-acclaimed film of the same name.

Let the Right One In followers may balk at the idea of the American version Let Me In.  However, the LA Times article with its director Mathew Reeves sheds some truth on what it’s like to direct a remake with such a strong following.

Will Reeves be true to the original?  Then, it’ll be boring. Will he alter it a bit to create his own vision of the story about coming-of-age vampires? 

I hope Reeves finds his own voice and generates a whole new message for movie goers who enjoy the mystic of being a vampire.

Click on Reeves to go to the LA Times article.

Eclipse is directed by David Slade from the novel Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer. Eclipse opens in theatres on June 30, 2010. 

Bella is set for graduation but she must choose between Edward and Jacob. No matter what she decides the vampires and werewolves will fight. The vampires in Seattle are hot and heavy to rage across the lands. It’s tough being a teenager.

When does the eclipse happen? That’s what I want to know.

Suck premiered at the Toronto Film Fest and is showing at SXSW.  The movie has received nothing but positive reviews, so hopefully Suck will have US distribution soon. 

Suck is written and directed by Canadian actor-turned-filmmaker Rob Stefaniuk. The movie trailer is witty with some fine acting.  You’ll notice Jessica Pare, who is also starring in Hot Tub Time Machine.

Take a look — I think you will enjoy the movie trailer.